=VG= SemlerPDX

I need to share this here as well, for those who know me and may not have read my post on VG Discord - this is a copy of it for the most part cuz I can't keep typing this out over and over.

This past Tuesday, I found my Uncle unresponsive in his chair watching TV when I went inside for coffee.  I did CPR as the ambulance came.  He was in his 70's, my mother's brother, raised my like a father.  He was 70, but in good health.  He didn't drink heavily, he didn't smoke, he didn't do drugs.

I'm all alone now.  First my (only) brother died back in 2017, then family friend Nancy this xmas, then Cousin John just after, then my mom passed away on hospice just 5 days ago, and it was only a last weekend that Uncle Mike contacted the funeral home ... I don't even know which one, she's not been cremated yet. [update: the funeral home with mom called my uncle's phone and I got in contact with them]

Now I'm all alone.  One surviving friend of the family came over, I was able to google his number - I've known him my entire life, he's like a second uncle.  He has been a massive help this week, and will be helping me out in the coming weeks.  He's the only one who knew Nancy, John, my mom and uncle, and me and my (deceased) brother.

I also have my kid (27, married) in Missouri, and her mother (and his husband) - we're all friends.  Life has majorly shit on me, and I'm gonna spend a lot of time escaping between dealing with all of this in the coming months.  I have never been so fucked so many times in a row in my life in such a short period, this doesn't seem real. I keep expecting to wake up. I will be escaping online even more in the coming months between dealing with all of this.  I'm numb.

I will get through this, but I am obviously super fucked up right now - spending time dealing with this, and then escaping online to try to feel "normal" for a few hours.  I'm getting by one hour at a time in that fashion... when things get too heavy, I escape for a little while.

Also wanted to say don't worry about me:  I also don't drink, don't do drugs, and won't let this curl me into a ball of pity and remorse - but I am definitely strained to my maximum limit.