Status Replies posted by SiXie
I am unable to properly function, so I'm copying a note I sent to a few of my oldest friends here at VG:
I can't login, I can't think. I can't even process life right now. I've been in a stunned shock since Sunday (Dec 31st) evening. In moments of clarity, I am reaching out to those I can think of - I consider many of you real friends, and I just want you all to know what has happened and why I'll be absent.
On New Years Eve morning, my brother took his life. We were extremely close our entire lives almost like twins, but he had cut off contact with us all and moved far away for over a year. He had been struggling with mental health issues including audible hallucinations (hearing voices) that berated him and tortured him "verbally", as well as addiction problems, and we all have to just accept that he felt there was no other way to stop it all and escape. He was a talented musician and a knowledgeable composer. If any of you have watched some of my old gaming videos on YouTube, you've heard my brother's music in the background.
He will be cremated and released to us around the 12th, and I will be spreading his ashes at Wahclella Falls near or around then, presuming it is accessible this time of year, and we will hold a private Celebration of Life rememberance in our home somewhere around the 17th.
I may not come around for the next couple weeks, or until these matters have concluded, as I do not feel sociable at this time. Certain individuals can reach me when I am offline if there is a technical emergency, so contact =VG= m823us if there is a matter that requires my attention, and I will resolve it if/when I am able, and if not, it will go on the top of the "to do" list for when I am feeling better. I've already noted that I will be helping Oniblood work with the ARK Survival server as he expressed interest in that, and those who knew I was developing weekly PR event "team workshops" with custom maps should know I will continue with that project before too long.
I feel like I'm walking around in a daze, like a bad dream, and my time is filled with moments of painfully deafening silence and extreme grief, and the rest of it spent with family and friends, as people I've not talked to in years come over to express condolences. Hearing others talk about this all sounds like I'm listening to a commentary of my own life and it is too surreal to tolerate, so much so that my family now hushes up if I'm walking by when re-telling someone who has not yet heard, out of respect for my feelings.
I will eventually return because hanging out with friends online will help me to move forward and be strong, but I am having a hard time using the phone at this time and it's most comfortable for me to text for now - messages through this website or facebook are just fine if friends need to contact me.
Thank you all for understanding, and for being my friend.