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Jersans

Member - Jr. Officer
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Status Replies posted by Jersans

  1. Most of you might not know me too well, or why I act like a dick/ talk too much/ get angry and pissed at some, too fast. Well now my life is going through shit again! My parents both have Covid and I am the next in line... Been through shit so much this past week and now I simply can`t think straight. My mind is clouded again and I need a big F..ing DRINK... one that would at least make me go away from this stupid world I live in. 

    Long story short, I am so pissed because no matter what I do, I break things... things like my relations with friends. I am such a jerk in real life and I can`t keep my mouth shut. I feel so much anger almost everyday, just by hearing some stupid shithead talk about politics/ themselves or even worst (I can`t tolerate this) them trying to impose their point of view on something that I already posed no interest in... F..ck U ( I already said I don`t want a fucking 10/10 on my piece of shitty exam paper).

    Back to my head issues: trauma, trauma, drama, trauma. Short: couple of years ago fell on my head, still have ears ringing sometimes ( 5m ain`t a small depth). Before that, I used to go out on my bicycle almost every day till an idiot friend put some soda on my brakes and it became sticky... Engaged the brake flipped over and broke some fingers.. and had a small head injury ( the doctor said it`s ok to have ears ringing for 2 weeks so yeah :-]  ). Drama cus I used to be the only fat-ish kid in the class for almost 7 years. So yeah 6 of them were just jokes about how I looked like... Still hate `em and feel like I want to rip the guts out of every one of those that laughed at me. And yes I did try to end it... No success though :)) Better luck next time, right?!

    Anyway too much shit on my mind. I don`t want to live like this, but I`ll keep my head up just for a bit, to see how this shit plays!

     

    Blizzzzz...:hi:

     

    1. Jersans

      Jersans

      The only good thing about shitty times, really shit times, is that you reach that point where the only way is up. Things will get better bro, you'll see. Take good care of you. 

      P.S. My fucking mouse is broken and all shops with non-essential goods are closed, meaning no PR for me after all this time. 

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  2. Welcome back! Hope life is treating you a little better!  I know it's a shit time for everyone, but you know what I mean. :hi: 

  3. I m offline, This country that "adopted" me needs support, I will be on the streets for now. Hope i will manage myself not to get injured, but if so i will put up a good show for them:bomb:. See ya guys when this is over !

  4. I m offline, This country that "adopted" me needs support, I will be on the streets for now. Hope i will manage myself not to get injured, but if so i will put up a good show for them:bomb:. See ya guys when this is over !

  5. I am unable to properly function, so I'm copying a note I sent to a few of my oldest friends here at VG:
    I can't login, I can't think. I can't even process life right now.  I've been in a stunned shock since Sunday (Dec 31st) evening.  In moments of clarity, I am reaching out to those I can think of - I consider many of you real friends, and I just want you all to know what has happened and why I'll be absent.

    On New Years Eve morning, my brother took his life.  We were extremely close our entire lives almost like twins, but he had cut off contact with us all and moved far away for over a year.  He had been struggling with mental health issues including audible hallucinations (hearing voices) that berated him and tortured him "verbally", as well as addiction problems, and we all have to just accept that he felt there was no other way to stop it all and escape.  He was a talented musician and a knowledgeable composer.  If any of you have watched some of my old gaming videos on YouTube, you've heard my brother's music in the background.

    He will be cremated and released to us around the 12th, and I will be spreading his ashes at Wahclella Falls near or around then, presuming it is accessible this time of year, and we will hold a private Celebration of Life rememberance in our home somewhere around the 17th.

    I may not come around for the next couple weeks, or until these matters have concluded, as I do not feel sociable at this time.  Certain individuals can reach me when I am offline if there is a technical emergency, so contact =VG= m823us if there is a matter that requires my attention, and I will resolve it if/when I am able, and if not, it will go on the top of the "to do" list for when I am feeling better.  I've already noted that I will be helping Oniblood work with the ARK Survival server as he expressed interest in that, and those who knew I was developing weekly PR event "team workshops" with custom maps should know I will continue with that project before too long.

    I feel like I'm walking around in a daze, like a bad dream, and my time is filled with moments of painfully deafening silence and extreme grief, and the rest of it spent with family and friends, as people I've not talked to in years come over to express condolences.  Hearing others talk about this all sounds like I'm listening to a commentary of my own life and it is too surreal to tolerate, so much so that my family now hushes up if I'm walking by when re-telling someone who has not yet heard, out of respect for my feelings.

    I will eventually return because hanging out with friends online will help me to move forward and be strong, but I am having a hard time using the phone at this time and it's most comfortable for me to text for now - messages through this website or facebook are just fine if friends need to contact me.

    Thank you all for understanding, and for being my friend.

    1. Jersans

      Jersans

      I wish there was something I could say or do. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take good care my friend.

    2. (See 10 other replies to this status update)

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    I hereby claimed that, MY FINAL EXAM IS OVER! (just yesterday) ^_^

    Do you guys copy?

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  7. Finally located a picture of my Henry Repeater .45 Long Colt on my Imgur. (mags are from my Glock 17) This pic is from 3 years ago when I went up to the mountains for target shooting:
    0Uk9JzA.jpg

  8. Finally located a picture of my Henry Repeater .45 Long Colt on my Imgur. (mags are from my Glock 17) This pic is from 3 years ago when I went up to the mountains for target shooting:
    0Uk9JzA.jpg

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